Here's some PG rated bar jokes you can use in your bar...

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together.

They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.

Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The man is kind of surprised that a grown woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.

After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"

The woman says, "You can have any prize from the bottom shelf."

After the World Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a drink.

The guy from Corona sat down and said, "Hey, senor, I would like the world's best ale, a Corona."

The bartender dusted off a bottle and gave it to him.

The guy from Australia bawled, "I'd like the best goddanged suds in the world - give me a Foster's."

The bartender opened a Foster's and handed it over.

The guy from Heineken stepped up and demanded, "Ya! Giff me der best brew. Ein Heineken!"

Finally the Budweiser President ordered: "I'll have a Coke, thanks."

The bartender was taken aback but plonked a Coke on the bar.

The other brewery presidents looked over at him and asked, "Why aren't you drinking a Bud or Bud Lite?"

The Budweiser President took a swig and replied, "I figured if you guys weren't drinking beer, neither would I."

A man is having a Friday night drink in a dimly lit bar. He makes his way to a table and sits down. He leans over to the big woman next to him and say's "I know this killer blonde joke. Do you want to hear it?"

"Before you do you ought to know that I'm a blonde, and I'm 6ft tall and a professional body builder. The woman sitting next to me is also a blonde, she's 6ft 2 inches and she's a kick boxer and next to her is another a blonde she's a 5ft 10 inch karate black belt."

"Oh well" says the man "In that case I won't bother with the joke I can't be bothered to explain it three times."

A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?"

"I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?"

"I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less."

A young and naive northerner went down to Texas on vacation. One evening he decided to go for a drink at his hotel's bar. Swinging a leg over the stool he calls out, "Barkeep, I'd like a beer."

The barkeep asks, "You want a Texas size beer?"

Without hesitation the northerner answers, "Yep! I want it Texas sized."

The barkeep goes to get the beer and brings back a barrel of beer. The northerner looks in surprise at the size of his beer. "Well, if I'm going to drink all this I better get some popcorn."

"Texas size?" The barkeep ask.

Nodding the northerner says, "Yep! Texas size."

The barkeep leaves and brings back a bushel basket of popcorn and puts it beside the northerner. A long time later the barrel of beer is almost empty and the popcorn gone. The northerner sees the barkeep and motioning him over slurs out, "Where's the bathroom?"

The barkeep points down a hallway. "Just go down that hall and take the first door on the left."

The Northerner stumbles and staggers down the hall but instead of taking the first door on the left he takes the first door on the right. He goes into the dark room looking for a light switch and falls into the hotel swimming pool.

"HELP! HELP!" He cries out. The barkeep runs into the room and turns on the light.

The northerner in a panic cries out. "Don't flush it! Don't flush it!"

The man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying because she thought he was with another woman.

"No, honey, I swear, I was at this bar, and it was so fancy that even the urinals were made of gold."

She said she didn't believe him so she called the bar. "Hello," she said,

"I just want to ask one question. My husband claims to have spent the night at your bar and I have one question: 'Are your urinals covered in gold?"

To which she heard the bartender said, "Hey, Clarence, I think we found the guy who peed in your saxophone."

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best lay in town!"

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your Mom, and it was great!"

Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.

Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your Mom liked it!"

Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"

Jim is having a drink in his local bar when in walks this gorgeous woman. Jim, not being too shy, goes up and sits next to her. He buys her a drink and then another and then another. After this and the accompanying small-talk, Joe asks her back to his place for a "good time."

"Look," says the woman, "what do you think I am? I don't just sleep with a guy after 3 drinks, you know!"

"OK," replies Jim, "so how many does it take?"

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.

"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."

"One penny?!" exclaimed the guy. The barman replied, "Yes."

So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?"

"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."

"How much money?" inquires the guy.

"Four cents," he replies.

"Four cents?" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."

The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"

The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."

A drunk goes to the doctor complaining of tiredness and headaches. "I feel tired all the time, my head hurts, I throw up every few days, and I'm not sleeping. What is it, Doc ?"

The doctor examines him thoroughly and says, "I can't find anything wrong. It must be the drinking."

"Fair enough," replied the lush. "I'll come back when you sober up."